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Rolling Eyes

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What is it, then, that cannot be done? This thing that we devote so much of our time and energy to? Simple. We cannot, will not, will never, ever, change a single detail of the past, and especially, we won't ever change a single thing that has ever happened, through the futile process of "figuring it out." Yet we have the expectation, whether voiced or not, that through our prodigious efforts, that somehow we can "make right" what we feel "isn't right" through this ineffective means. Yet no matter what we "think" about it, what has happened, has happened, and that cannot be undone. Not with our figuring it out, not with our anger, not with our upset, not with our frustration, not with all the explanations of "why" in the world, and not with our repeating it in our minds over and over and over and over again, not once, not ever. If the snowflake fell, it's on the ground. It can melt, you can stomp on it, you can curse at it, you can even try to punish it for falling by ruining your life trying to get it back for what has already been done, and still,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], truth is, it fell. Doesn't sound like you? I'm not done yet.
How then, does this look,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], in reality? An example would be driving home on one snowy night, in two separate cars. I was behind her, and given that I come from New England, I know how to drive safely on the ice and snow. I'm careful, but I don't want to go a single mile per hour slower than I have to in order to be safe. When I realized she was going slower than I was able to safely go, I passed her, thinking that she would be fine since she was creeping along, and I simply was impatient to get home after a long night out. I kept my phone on, knowing that she could call if she needed me to come back out, and I also knew exactly what route she was taking. Everything seemed to be fine, at least to me!
What can be done? What can be done is to tell the truth about yourself, and to give up trying to figure out or explain the motivations of others entirely. For instance, I do not know why, unless I am told directly, the motivations behind my partner's upsets. I have no idea. What I do know is, when she gets upset, she often comes up with the most elaborate explanations for my behavior, why I did it, what I was feeling, what my motivations were, when in truth, she does not know a single one of these things. That's when I stopped listening to her stories, and began to search for how she really felt. Turns out,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], she, and any one of us, can only feel one of two ways: either loving,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], or fearful. If instead of listening to her stories, I ask her how she truly feels, the whole argument, the whole blame game, the whole pointing her finger "out there" in an attempt to "figure out" why what has already happened, happened, goes away, and what comes to the surface is the simple truth, usually "That really scared me." That's it. Nothing more, nothing less. As simple as that. And any and all stories that flow from that fear? They're stories, maybe with some grains of truth that you need to work on to make the relationship more agreeable, maybe not. In every case the bottom line was: I was scared. That's it.
By TB Wright
See all Articles by Tom WrightSee Tom Wright's Expert PageGet Updates on AbundanceGet Updates on Tom Wright Average: 3 Your rating: None Average: 3 (1 vote) Tweet
Thank you is the most powerful response to say for giving me this opportunity to realize the truth about all this stuff every single one of us, without exception, carry around with us, and that comes out at times of upset. In this way, upset then becomes something valuable for us, a trigger mechanism for cleaning house. And the most obvious signal that we are upset is the process of trying to "figure it out." Because the mind will have you attempt to do, what cannot be done, in order to cover up what you feel. It's either scared or loving, so deal with it!
If instead, we all told the truth, and then believed others who also told the truth, what a more powerful world of fulfillment and satisfaction we would live within! And that world is available to each and every one of us, in each and every moment we live, the moment we stop trying to figure it out and instead, begin to live it out.
We spend an inordinate amount of time and energy devoting our literal life essence in an attempt to do, what cannot be done. When we start to shift more and more of that energy over to what can be done, and in alignment with our goals, we are then practicing an incredible power to manifest all that we desire. In this "tell the truth now, tell the truth later" method of success, all of our dreams, with no one and no thing left out, have the greatest possibility of coming true in real time and space. That, more than anything else, is the world I desire to live within. In the online seminar I present, this is the world that is offered to every single one of those who complete the entire thirty weeks, and without exception.
Or don't. How about not trying to figure it out anymore? And instead, simply, live it out. Don't try to analyze why what happened, happened, because even if you do come up with an "answer" it won't matter,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], it won't change the past, and most likely, very likely in fact, it will simply be something we come up with to cloud over some truth about the past, so our answers will not ever be accurate. What will be accurate, and what would make a difference, is to simply tell the truth about how we feel about what happened, and then if necessary, meaning, if effective, take measures to insure that it will not happen again. For instance, if you once ran up a credit card bill that then acted as a catalyst to bankruptcy, as I once did, you now know, without having to figure out anything,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], that to do that again would not be a wise choice. You would also know, if you are telling the truth about how you feel, that this all came out of some fear of lack you have, and most likely, still have. In this case, you would then make every attempt to insure that this situation did not happen again. Take a class, ask advice, make a budget, cut up the cards, whatever you have to do, do it. And also, tell the truth about your fear. "Hey, ending up with nothing scares the heck out of me." The invitation here is to use whatever language resonates with the truth about how you feel.
That's when I asked her, and in asking, was authentically willing to listen. I asked her how she felt. At first, this was resisted greatly, but after she realized that the truth was, my going past her simply brought up all these fears, and that she was in truth, simply scared,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], there was nothing more for her to say, and nothing to do but for her to allow herself to feel the fear that she was feeling. What did it mean? That she was afraid. What did my actions mean? That I drove home. Nothing more, nothing less, than that. Once I realized that she was afraid, I could hug her and tell her that I was truly sorry that fear had come up for her, while at the same time happy that she had an opportunity to look at all these other autopilot explanations, thoughts, emotions, figuring it out, and upsets, that had for so long been lurking under the skin, making her tired just keeping the maintenance of them up for so many years. It was like a bubble of truth bursting for her, and the freedom any of us gain through this process can only be met with the following words when our fears bring up all this junk: Thank You! Now that's what relationship is really for, like it or not! Because such truth and realization gains us enormous freedom to be ourselves, regardless of what's happening around us, or more importantly, what's happened around us, that we cannot ever change.
When she got home, from the look on her face, I knew that I had made a big mistake! Her upset over me "abandoning her" in the ice and snow, went on for so long, that it dawned on me that all these stories came from her past and her past fears she had never expressed before, about being left alone, about her impressions of what a "man" should do in relationship to his "woman" and how it must have meant that I felt she wasn't important to me because I left her, and on and on and on, all about what I felt, what I thought, and what my motivations were! That's when I realized that something else must have been going on here than what she was saying, because there was no way, she could know these things about me in her normal state of mind, and now especially since she was in the middle of an upset, she couldn't know them either, since upset only serves to further cloud our minds!
Author's Bio:
By way of practical example, we often find ourselves in relationships where we hide the way we really feel by either attacking our partner with claims of having figured out their motivations, or being attacked by our partner with claims of having figured out our motivations. Danger Will Robinson! That is the perfect scenario for upset and argument, a totally avoidable scenario by the way, if only one or the other would tell the truth about how they feel! Not that it's always easy,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], because sometimes I only realize how I feel after a day has passed, but if you begin to practice immediately revealing how you feel the moment you do realize that truth, then the time spent not knowing how you feel will begin to diminish. So will the time spent arguing over figuring it out! Where once it was two days, then one, now it's closer to a few hours before authentic communication takes place after a breakdown between us. And that's a whole lot better,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], time wise, than it was in the past! Not perfect yet, as if it will ever be, because that's not what relationship is all about, but more and more of the time we are devoting less and less of our life energy over to what cannot be done, and instead, over to what can be done.
In the case of relationship, we often try to figure out why others did what they did, even when they don't know why they did what they did,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], and most likely they just did it. Often on autopilot, by the way. Truth is, as the truth is in any of these cases, what happened, happened, and we feel a certain way about it. Since we have been so trained to hide our true feelings, what we do is try to figure out why they did what they did, and then on and on argue with them about trying to fix, change, or somehow mitigate their already taken actions, with apologies, and tears, all while hearing endless explanations from them, along with our own endless explanations, of why, why, why. Whew!
How about the tried and false method of attempting to "figure it out" so that somehow you can make things right? We spend an obscene amount of our very life essence devoting our efforts to trying to figure things out, without ever,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], not once, not ever, coming up with an answer that ever prevents the past from happening,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], because the irony is, once we begin our futile attempt to explain what cannot be explained, it's already happened. It's like going to the scene of the crime with all of our equipment, and no matter what we do, the guy's still going to be dead. The difference is, we arrive at the scene of our lives with the expectation that our efforts are going to change, what cannot be changed. Only in the case of our histories, we go with all of our equipment, already knowing who did what and when. So all of our efforts to explain "why" for instance, someone did something, their motivations, their reasons, how they felt and what they meant, is totally, absolutely, and irrevocably, useless. Go figure.
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The Canadian automotive industry is experiencing a shortage of qualified workers. If you love cars and are interested in automotive careers, here are ten auto careers to consider.

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This is why many physically stunning people - the knockouts in the room - aren’t always so attractive when you get to know them better. Why? For nine out of ten,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], it’s ego. One way or another, fragile or frankly insufferable,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], that’s the issue.
This is true beauty,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych]. Think of it as truth in transcendence.
I’ve heard people remark on how refreshing it is to meet someone real,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], genuine and authentic, confident and happy with who they are. These people radiate charm and grace as inner beauty emanates from the very core of their being. More than simply see it, we can feel it.
Let me pose the question another way: Do you feel beautiful?
No matter how you answered, I challenge you to think again.
Free from the stressors that etch wrinkles into skin, you recognize their inner beauty when you look at them. You sense it when they walk into the room; they look and feel younger than their age, and almost everyone likes them.
That’s a horse of a different color,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych].
The rewards await you.
By Peter Winslow
See all Articles by Peter WinslowSee Peter Winslow&#039,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych];s Expert PageGet Updates on Self-Esteem and Self ConfidenceGet Updates on Peter Winslow Average: 3 Your rating: None Average: 3 (1 vote) Tweet
The fashion and cosmetics industries cash in on fears like this. Given the power of advertising, it’s no wonder so many people spend their lives focused on appearances and superficial fix-ups while neglecting what makes them truly beautiful.
What makes them different? They are aware of who they are in a way that most others aren’t,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych]. It’s hard to fathom if your concept of beauty is only skin deep. The world is rife with people whose outer beauty opened doors for them only to slam shut in their faces when the truth came out.
Those whose egos serve them possess charisma and charm that’s hard to put into words. They brew a captivating aura that adds grace and presence to the dynamic, and sometimes makes them downright irresistible.
To be truly beautiful,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], learn to recognize,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], manage and play with your ego. Put it in its proper place as an indispensable asset,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], subordinate to and in the service of your authentic self.
On the other hand,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], the people with healthy egos are easy to spot. They’re confident and fun; they're genuinely comfortable with who they are, and insecurity and self-doubt are virtually nonexistent. They can take a joke and dish it out with ease and grace; they let go of criticism,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], forgive more readily, and quickly dissolve resentment and the negative emotions that thwart happiness and self-esteem.
In many cases, the answer amounts to three little letters: e-g-o. For good reason, people who glow with inner beauty have created well-adjusted egos.
Author's Bio:
Are you a beautiful person?
Inner beauty improves with age and makes you grow more attractive with each passing year. Maybe you know someone like this… how do they do it? What is their fountain of youth?
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This month’s development tip: If you haven’t made up your list of 2013 goals, start with creating your “who will I be?” list. Once you decide who you want to be, then create your “what will I do?” list based off of your “who will I be?” list. If you’ve already set your 2013 goals, go back and review them to ensure that they are related to who you want to be – give them the true meaning they deserve.
At the start of a New Year many of us are thinking about New Year’s resolutions or, what we want to “do” in the coming year. Being a goal-oriented person,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], I set annual goals every year,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], which I’m pretty good about accomplishing. Since it’s the start of the year, I’ve been thinking about what I want to achieve in 2013 and, as I always do, I sat down and started my list of things to accomplish this year. As I was doing that, I realized I wanted this year to be more about who I will be than what I will “do”.
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For me, one thing I decided I wanted to be this year is more present and giving of my time. Because of that, my goals of slowing down (not rushing through things and from place-to-place) and of volunteering at the local animal shelter have a lot of meaning behind them: they are related to who I want to be. By taking time to focus first on who you want to be and then creating what you will do based on who you will be,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], your actions not only have deeper meaning but inevitably will be easier to accomplish.
By Andria Corso
See all Articles by Andria CorsoSee Andria Corso&#039,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych];s Expert PageGet Updates on Goal SettingGet Updates on Andria Corso Average: 1 Your rating: None Average: 1 (1 vote) Tweet
Because it’s a New Year, many of us make those resolutions or commitments about what we’ll do or stop doing: go to the gym,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], stop hitting the snooze button, go to sleep earlier, go see the doctor,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], lose 10 lbs., update my resume and start looking for a new job…. And I think, instead,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], we should focus on who we want to be.
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5. Combine Fun and Recreation with Meeting People
By Amy Schoen
See all Articles by Amy Schoen,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], MBA, CPCCSee Amy Schoen, MBA, CPCC's Expert PageGet Updates on DatingGet Updates on Amy Schoen, MBA,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], CPCC Average: 0 Your rating: None Tweet
What are your goals and priorities in life?
- Work
- Family
- Finding a life partner and getting married
- Community service
- Athletic activities
- Personal/ social activities
What is fun and relaxing for you,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych]? It is not healthy to work all the time and not have any play!
2. Put your Personal Time on Your calendar and Stick to it,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych]!
Are you willing to work less hours and make less money? Perhaps you would be willing to hire someone to do the work that is least desirable to you. I hired a bookkeeper even though I was very capable of doing the work myself. I ended up using a mailing service for my promotional materials when I did the labels for mailing myself early on in my business. I thought it was more important to free up my time for what I enjoyed rather doing the detailed, repetitive tasks. I hired smart college students to do some of the busy work for me. Even if you bring in help seasonally, it may free you up for a vacation or a long weekend!
When you decide to carve out some time for your personal life which may include the pursuit of meeting someone for a relationship,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], then make an appointment with yourself on your calendar. How many hours a week are you willing to commit to this endeavor?
3. Decide on What Trade Offs You Are Willing To Make
Next, where do you see yourself in 5 years? Would you be happy being single at that time? It’s time to be honest with yourself.
As an entrepreneur,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], you have already experienced what happens when you have a vision of what you want and focus on that goal. You have built your thriving business with your drive and determination. You can also have a fulfilling relationship if you apply your same drive and determination to that area of your life. It may just take some rebalancing of your energy and focus. Nonetheless, the benefits of finding that rewarding romantic relationship can last a lifetime!
Life is about trade offs,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych]. What are you willing to sacrifice to have what you want? It may be for a short time or a long time depending on your success on meeting the right person for you,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych].
My friend Jonathan is self-employed and single,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych]. He talks about how it would be so nice to have a relationship in his life and yet I do not see him making the time for the process of dating. He tells me that his work is very demanding and that he is barely keeping up with his clients.
The best thing you can do for yourself is to get a real clear picture of your values. Your values are what are most important to you in life. For instance, kindness and compassion may be very important to you. Therefore, this is what you would want in a mate as well. Once you have your values constructed, then you have guideposts for which you can evaluate your potential partner.
Next, it’s important to get clear idea on what you want in life. Do you want children? If not, you need to be clear with your potential dates that you are not interested in children. You may not even want to date divorced people with kids. Then opposite may be true as well. If you want children and someone doesn’t then there is no point pursing a relationship with this person. This will save you much time and anguish!
Taking vacations are critical to maintaining sanity for an entrepreneur. If you love traveling, you may consider joining a singles travel group to see various parts of the world. There are even singles cruises for those who enjoy traveling by sea. I know a woman who loved yoga and found a travel group that incorporated daily yoga into the trip. Imagine finding your soul mate while doing what you truly love!
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Last, ask friends,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], family or perhaps business associates who know you well to introduce you to people to date. Tell them what you are looking for in a mate so they can be helpful to you. Don’t be shy to ask them to fix you up. One of my clients was very good about getting the word out that she was looking to meet someone to date. She eventually got fixed up with someone she really likes.
Now you are ready to see who is out there and who will be best suited for you. If you are willing to spend the money,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], you may consider a reputable matchmaker or dating service. The internet can be a good way to meet people to date. You can search the net at all hours of the day or night; however, it may take a lot of searching and weeding out. It can be very frustrating when people do not return your emails. Try more than one site. Different sites will produce different results. See my resource page on my website [link widoczny dla zalogowanych] for a list of dating internet sites you may want to consider.
Just like you have a business plan for you business, you need to develop a life plan for you life. When you focus on obtaining and having the important things in life, they will happen for you.
4. Use Efficient Dating Techniques
Having your own business or being self-employed is very challenging, as well as rewarding. Add being single to the equation and it can be a very lonely place to be. I was single while I ran a women’s clothing boutique. Although I worked incredible hours and had a 7 day a week operation, I made a concerted effort to date and meet people which eventually led me to meeting my husband. This is how I recommend you fit in dating into your hectic work schedule:
Consider hiring an assistant to help you with writing letters, making appointments and following up with phone calls to your clients. Now virtual assistants are becoming very popular with business owners.
1. Get Clear on What your Life Goals and Priorities Are
Rank them from 1 to 6,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], 1 being the most important. What came up for you during this exercise?
You need to apply the same time management skills to your personal time as you do to your work time. Do you consider the event or activity for meeting people to date urgent, desirable or eventually need to do?
Go ahead, put this date in your calendar and commit to keeping this appointment with yourself!
If you enjoy socializing, then the singles events may help you get out and be with people. Who knows, you may pick up a client if not a date! For the athletic types, sports activities such as biking groups or tennis parties may be a way to have fun and meet someone to date. If you are into working out to keep your shape and stamina, then the gym can be a place to meet those of the opposite sex who also share this desire to keep fit. Perhaps you will entertain taking a ski trip or a hiking trip with a singles group.
There is a time cost and benefit to every singles event and dating service available to you. Once you have a handle how much time a week you want to put towards dating then you need to decide how much financial resources you want to devote to these endeavors.
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The film "Late Autumn" by director Kim Tae-young has been invited to the 61st Berlin International Film Festival. It will screen in the Forum section of the Berlinale, which kicks off on Feb. 10 and is one of the world's three major film festivals.

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The Bank of Korea is holding an unscheduled monetary policy meeting on Monday to discuss lowering the key interest rate and the purchase of bonds issued by banks. The BOK cut the key interest rate on Oct. 9 from 5.25 percent to 5 percent. But as financial market jitters continued,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], there have been mounting calls for more rate cuts. Also, there have been calls for the BOK to purchase not only sovereign bonds held by banks,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], but debt issued by banks as well to increase liquidity in the market.
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The owners of South Korea's family-oriented conglomerates, or chaebol, control their sprawling business empires with less than 2 percent of the total shares, a government report showed Monday.